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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

News you can't use...for anything

It's that time again, fascinating snippets from the Eldridge police reports! For those of you who aren't familiar with this portion of my blog, I cut out some of the more (or less, depending on your prospective) interesting complaints in our local weekly paper...and add a few comments. I would also like to preface this by saying that although I think my tax dollars would be better spent on other things, I am glad that I live in a place that these are the types of 'crime' that we contend with. If for whatever reason, you enjoy this quirky stuff, there are older ones in my News section of the blog.

Oh, my friends, there has been a lot of frightening stuff going on here in Eldridge, a regular crime wave you might say. Very distressing indeed.
First of all, there seems to be a horrible rash of hate crime against members of the squash family, or maybe it's pumpkin on pumpkin crime, it's hard to say. Initially, there was some kind of pumpkinnapping, right off of it's own front porch. I am so glad that a concerned citizen called the police to report this sort of horror.

Then this!

Oh the humanity! I can't even think about it without picturing the chalk outlines of their broken little pumpkin parts. Seriously, did someone need to call the police at 3:30 am to report a smashed pumpkin? I dunno.

In other crime....I never thought there would come a day when this would happen....

OMG! What if that gets to be common place, and ads of questionable origin pop up willy nilly on the internet? Let's all just hope that never happens.

As a rule, if there are more than 2 youths in a group, especially if they are hanging out in a shady place like the rec center, they are bad news and not to be trusted....it is always best to alert the authorities, and do it fast, before they do something like this..

But it's not just the kids that are up to nefarious activities.

Okay, I have to cut some slack on this one. I am pretty open minded, so I say, just because the cat didn't know the animal, if everything was consentual, who are we to judge?
Wait, let me read that again to make sure I understand..... Fire, behind the fire department, someone notified the fire department.......I feel safe.Hmmmm...can't add anything to that one, It's a nice little story...fast, alert, fleeing fox...didn't that used to be a typing test or something?

12 comments:

Rayna said...

Oh how I've missed these so. I love the odd looks I get from my boyfriend while reading them out loud :)

thecrazysheeplady said...

These are hilarious! My husband collects ads from our paper as well. Favorites are Hampster Ewes and Yard Sale Sat. at Phyllis's. Thanks for sharing :-)

Nancy K. said...

Oh my Dear, Baby Sister ~ you made my day! I've got to start perusing the local paper police blotter reports. Then again, it wouldn't be half so fun without your witty comments....

Thanks for the chuckles!

Jenny Holden said...

Brilliant! When I lived in London my Mam would send down the local paper from Cumbria for amusement. My favourite front page headline, and the one that got the biggest laugh from my London friends was: BINS NOT EMPTIED!

Dawn said...

Thanks for the morning giggle. Run for cover, that crime wave was serious!

Kara said...

I needed a good laugh this morning, thanks!

Lisa said...

Here in sleepy Coal Valley we only have a monthly newsletter and they report the number of fire and police calls but do not disclose the nature of the calls. Based on these examples, I'm going to petition to have the calls "explained". That should make our newsletter ALMOST readable.

Thanks for the good laugh!

hiccupp said...

You know, I don't know how I feel about you and Gary being out there at night. I mean, what if something happened to you?

I worry that a day will come where a group of youths stroll past your property assaulting it with pumpkins, and we'll be left wondering "could we have done something to prevent it?".

*sigh*


oh...and this makes me want to go stand in the middle of eldridge reading a magazine and see how long it takes before a patrol car pulls up. "ma'am, we've had a report of suspicious reading in the area..."

Pamela said...

Unfortunately our local paper just reports arrests. I'm going to send an email asking them to print the calls, too.

I had to read this twice because I was laughing too hard.

Nancy K. said...

YOU "made the news" on my blog today... http://shepherdsvoice.blogspot.com

Wrensong Farm said...

TOOO FUNNNY!!! Thanks so much for the laugh! :)

Diane L. Dodd said...

omg those are awesome! i am going to read the ones from your archives too. our town is so small the only things listed are when people get tickets for speeding or not wearing a seatbelt! i've never even seen a 'crime' listed. QUITE a change for me from living in atlanta my whole life. we LOVE iowa and call our new town mayberry. still getting used to snow though :)

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